standards.

Lately I have been feeling convicted with living above the standard.

I am so tired of all the sexual jokes, videos, etc. that are supposed to be funny. I'm tired of the raunchy stuff. I'm tired of just plain old gross things. I'm tired of living like everyone else. I feel like there is nothing to set me apart from a non christian.

The more "bad" stuff we let in by watching and/or listening to, the more desensitized we become. I don't want to make excuses for this stuff either. Sure we can blame it on the media and society but it's not their fault we CHOSE to participate in it. They provide but ultimately we decide how to handle it.

I feel like everyone should feel the way I do. But the harsh reality is, few do. Maybe because I'm feeling these convictions I feel like it should affect others just as strongly. I think I'm expecting too much. God isn't changing my heart and everyone around me if they aren't willing to listen. He is working on me and me alone. I need to remember I can't account for everyone, our relationship isn't shared.

There is an old Sunday school song we used to sing with these lyrics:

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

I will not let this feeling fade. I am determined to let God continue changing my heart and living above the standard. I am not "holier than thou" but my hope is that others can notice something different about me and the standards I hold for myself.

i'm a survivor.

I survived my first year of "real college." My first year at a university. Let me tell you, what a culture shock it was. I hated being there and wished so desperately to be back at my little but familiar community college. At least there I was comfortable. But tonight I officially ended my first semester there. And I survived. An added bonus, I'm feeling pretty confident about my grades as well. I worked so hard to get where I am. I worked so hard this semester just to stay on top of everything. I'm definitely looking forward to having two months off. Spring semester is going to be KILLER. All day long on Tuesdays and Thursdays. All day. ALL DAY. I'm not looking forward to it but I know I can handle it.

So my outlook on CSUS is now slightly more positive than I started with. I still have no clue when I'm graduating and am only guessing when I say a year and a half because it sounds reasonable. I hope it could be sooner but we will see. The only thing is...I have no idea how to figure out how much longer I do have to go.

six times.

This is my sixth Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday since my parents have split up. Each year has gotten a little easier than the previous. And I am actually really excited for the holidays.

Thank you Jesus for bringing us this far.

issues.

I wonder when my heart and my head will begin to believe the same things. I can't stand knowing one thing but not believing it; especially when there isn't any reason NOT to believe it.

I wish I could learn to be flexible. I wish I could roll with the punches better. I hate that I have high expectations that are tremendous heartaches when not fulfilled.

I want to be different.

obsessions, part 3.

I have an important update on my latest obsession (The Brady Bunch): I officially finished reviewing Maureen McCormick's book. Beyond chapter 15 was a little boring and disappointing. But my curiosity is cured and I think my obsession is slowly fading away...

Questions.

Remember what it was like when you were nearing the end of your senior year in high school and when people (mostly adults) found out you were about to graduate would ask you the age old question, "What are you going to do with your life?" Half the time you never had it figured out. Or you knew what school/work/military you were going to but beyond that was not set in stone. It was that dreaded question and answer time that seemed like it was never going to end.

Well, it still hasn't. I don't think it will until you're finally out of college and then the question just becomes, "What DO you do with your life?" By then you should have things figured out. I still hate answering the what-are-you-planning-to-do. There is no short answer for me. School counseling. That's my ultimate goal. Don't ask me how I'm getting there. I have options, I haven't decided yet.

And the other question I've started to hate lately..."When are you getting married?" I have no clue. I suppose after a ring appears on my finger. I hate having to explain why it won't be any time soon. I guess after marriage comes, "When will you start having kids?"

When do these questions officially end?

new president.

I am already getting tired of people complaining about Obama being the president and how the world needs to end because of it and how this is not going to get any better. Whining will not change what has been done. I feel like shouting GET OVER IT.

I voted McCain. Couldn't understand what was so "evil" about him being "the lesser of the two evils." Personally, I liked him. Didn't research him all the time but listened to some forums, read some information on him. I wish he would've won. But I kind of expected his chances to be slim due to:

-he is a republican; the current president is a republican and is not well liked by America and the fear of the last eight years repeating in the next four was probably a big factor
-his VP choice. Sure, she seemed like a nice lady. But honestly, her resume was short and hardly even serving her term as governor, plus being mayor of your city doesn't exactly equal up to VP status
-again, the VP choice...his age, her lack of experience made voters weary

Obama speaks very eloquently. It is pretty much obvious that his speeches provided a sense of hope to people (I mean he did get elected and all). His whole campaign was based on one word: change. And people are craving that right now. Things aren't going smoothly these days and people are desperate for a way out.

I was reading an article this morning and it will be interesting to see what promises will be fulfilled. Obama has a tough load to carry out.

We need to quit complaining. What's done is done. Instead of whining, why don't we start praying? When Obama is sworn in, he already has trouble waiting for him. The US is not in pretty shape right now and can you imagine all of the things he's got to take over? It's not going to be easy and probably won't be pretty and I'm sure he can use our prayers. Let's hope that we're all wrong. That he DOES do a good job. In fact, a great one. That he goes down in history as one of the most influential presidents. That he provides change. He provides relief. Even if we're different political parties we need to rally behind him because in the end you have two choices. Either support/pray for him or stand against him and complain. He's going to be with us for the next four years at the minimum. Let's do what we can to make this situation better.