holy, holy, holy

I enjoyed the worship at church today. There is something about the simple acoustic set where all I hear is Royce singing. For some reason, the more simple the set up, the less distracted I am. When it's just Royce and his guitar I am so drawn to him and to God. Some of the best worship experiences I've had are when it's just the guitar and him. In the simple sets, I can focus on the lyrics and have been able to really let those sink in and come from my heart. It's been awhile since that has happened and today was just a slight glimpse of that again.

So while I was sitting there enjoying the sweet sound of my love's voice and reflecting on how amazing God really is, I was thinking about other things too (it's amazing how well women can multitask). One of the thoughts to cross my mind--and really just so briefly--was marriage. Seriously, the idea flashed for like a second and then I began to entertain it. And I felt like God was telling me your time will come. And then I was thinking about how long I have been dating Royce and how we have no idea what the future holds for us. We have some amazing ideas but those are simply our wishes, we have no clue what the timing is. And then I thought how God is totally orchestrating this. I really believe that as the time goes on I am becoming more ready and more prepared for marriage. And maybe with my history this is what is needed in order to build a solid marriage. We have rough spots but we are no where near what we used to be. And only by the grace of God have we been able to pull through all of this. When I think about how amazing it is that Royce is not perfect yet so perfect for me, I am in awe. And even though I feel like everyone is getting married before me (and most haven't even dated as long as we have!) I know that God has the perfect plan in store for us.

And while all this is going on in my mind, the song "Open the Eyes of My Heart" is being sung and coincidentally it's during the holy, holy, holy part and I feel that God has control my life and my future and for that He is holy.

And these lyrics become real to me.

latest readings.

So lately I've been reading the book of Daniel in the Bible. And honestly, I really, really enjoy it. I think of all the Old Testament books I've read (which isn't very much) I can look at this one and really get something from it. I just find it so amazing how Daniel truly loves God and worships Him. He knows that God will take care of him because he has been faithful.

I just finished reading Daniel in the lion's den. I have always read that story in the children's Bible but that was about it. I was surprised to find out that Daniel was in his 90s when he was put in the lion's den. Anyway, the whole reason he got put in there was because some people convinced the king to make a law that no one could pray to any God, only the king, for the next 30 days. Well, Daniel didn't care about this rule and decided to keep on praying three times a day to God. The consequences are obvious (getting put in the lion's den) but God spared him and shut the mouths of lions. This wasn't Daniel's first escape from death. God had been sparing his life time and time again because of his faithfulness.

It is my desire to be that faithful to God. That I could 100% live for him. I'm either all in or all out.

Count me in.

standards.

Lately I have been feeling convicted with living above the standard.

I am so tired of all the sexual jokes, videos, etc. that are supposed to be funny. I'm tired of the raunchy stuff. I'm tired of just plain old gross things. I'm tired of living like everyone else. I feel like there is nothing to set me apart from a non christian.

The more "bad" stuff we let in by watching and/or listening to, the more desensitized we become. I don't want to make excuses for this stuff either. Sure we can blame it on the media and society but it's not their fault we CHOSE to participate in it. They provide but ultimately we decide how to handle it.

I feel like everyone should feel the way I do. But the harsh reality is, few do. Maybe because I'm feeling these convictions I feel like it should affect others just as strongly. I think I'm expecting too much. God isn't changing my heart and everyone around me if they aren't willing to listen. He is working on me and me alone. I need to remember I can't account for everyone, our relationship isn't shared.

There is an old Sunday school song we used to sing with these lyrics:

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

I will not let this feeling fade. I am determined to let God continue changing my heart and living above the standard. I am not "holier than thou" but my hope is that others can notice something different about me and the standards I hold for myself.