beautiful now.

So I am super analytical. I analyze people, situations, the future, relationships, etc. way too much. Probably too much for my own good. It's a little ridiculous. But at the same time, I'm quite fond of myself.

I'm also a thinker. I guess this goes hand in hand with being analytical. I think and process things so much as well. But I do think about all sorts of things all the time.

I'm also very internal. I keep everything in. I bottle it all up until I have to let it all go. I hate this side of me. I fight my own battles inside my mind because I don't open my mouth. I ruminate. I analyze everything over and over and over and over again inside. I hold onto things and have the hardest time letting them go. Especially emotions. Because the emotions are so real to me. They have affected me in one way or another. And I don't know how to let them go because just letting them roll off my back doesn't allow for the proper burial. So instead, I hold on to them and somewhere down the road I'll let them go. And somewhere down the road, all at once, I'll unload my bucket of emotions. And hope that I can properly deal with the issues. But once I face them I bring back all of the emotions that went along with them. Which sometimes means that this unloading can become quite messy and complicated because not everything will make sense and hardly anything sounds related.

Being an internal type of person also means that I carry a great amount of stress and anxiety with me. I stress myself out thinking about things. And then my stress produces anxiety. And then I'm so stressed I can't eat or talk to people about what I'm stressed about because it causes even more stress. And in the rare occasion that I do tell someone about what's going on, its like word vomit. I don't want everything to come up but it does. And I can't stop myself. I just try to give them a glimpse of what's going and then--oh what's this? Word vomit! And now I'm giving away more information than I intended. And now I've got word vomit going on and I'm starting to get worried that they're getting annoyed or bored with what I'm saying. But I can't stop myself from talking.

Being analytical, a thinker, and internal all go together so well. But it sucks to suffer from all three. And it's difficult to break the cycle of them. Because if I could with the snap of my fingers I would.

I guess that's something I need to work on.