labels

I am totally supposed to be doing homework at the moment but because my best friend is named PROCRASTINATION I thought I'd spend some good quality time with her.

Yesterday this thought came to me, I refuse to label myself according to what I do/would do (in the future) for a living, I believe it is Christ who should define us, yet I truly do define myself as a child of divorce; it makes up more than half of how I would define who I am. I don't even remember when, how or even the context of the situation at the time. I just remember I felt it was like an epiphany.

I don't really know why this thought struck such a cord with me. I can't place on my finger on why I haven't been able to disregard it over the last 24 hours.

Who am I? A child of divorce. Divorce. The reason I am who I am at this very moment in my life. The blame I can put on the "negative" qualities I have. The reason why I won't open up so easily. The reason why I'm so afraid to be exposed, to be vulnerable. The reason why I have issues with trust. The reason why I feel insecure about myself. The reason why I don't want to get married. The reason why I struggle with "jealousy." The reason why I can't accept love. The reason why I feed my absurd thoughts about issues. The reason why I can't love myself.

I wonder if there is some way that God could use all of these issues, all of the reasons why I define myself as a child of divorce, into a definition that is of Him. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but I don't really know how to say it eloquently. I mean I know He can take all of the negative and turn it into positive, that this stuff can be used for His purpose. But can he take all the negative and positively turn it into a way I can define myself through Him, who I am in Him? This seems rather complex to me. Maybe my solution is working on my definition of me through Christ and the other stuff, the child of divorce stuff, will work it's way into it and into a positive manner.